I Know What It Is...

...It was so obvious. I wonder why I hadn't seen it before. It's probably because I didn't want to see it.


Dishes piled up in the sink, trash cans overflowing, crumbs under the kitchen table, laundry waiting to go in the washer. The morning starting out the way I thought it needed to, just 30 minutes later then usual.

Kids got off to school good, a little hiccup being called to preschool because the baby had an accident (I predicted this, but it doesn't make it easier). Got my workout in, despite all the other things that needed to get done.

My stress level, my anxiety level, all slowly going up...sneaking up on me. My patience level slowing going down without me knowing, until it's too late. Until I'm not functioning.

I'm just sitting on the couch watching soaps, scanning Pinterest for a kick start...something to spark my interest to get up and get myself out of this funk, because just staring at the messes will not do it.

"Just start." 

"Stay on top of it and that won't happen." 

"Put things away as you are done with them." 

"You just have to do it." 

These are all things that people have said to me. All things that if I didn't have anxiety would be sensible things to say. But I do. My anxiety is debilitating when it hits. And if you don't have it it's hard to understand how hard it is to break yourself out of it.

I search for solutions, none of which actually have helped get rid of it. Lessen it, yes. The stretches of time where it is hits get longer, but when they do come, it isn't easier. I still haven't found that magic "get out of anxiety free" card. It's not that easy. I wish it was, I wish I didn't have it. At times I wish that there was a magic pill out there that I could take and it will just all go away. There isn't.

So, I keep going. I keep searching for help, for things that will make the stretches longer, that will make the hits softer. Maybe someday I'll find it, maybe I won't. But I will stay hopeful...coming out of the darkness keeps me hopeful. Every time that I can at least come out of it is a step forward.

I hope anyone out there that can't see the light at least keeps moving forward, because it's there if you just keep moving. I'm here, I'm proof.

5 Goals for the Week // Nov 9-15

Last week I decided to post my goals for the week. I wasn't sure how I would do, but I thought that it was a great motivator to get those things done. I didn't do too bad either. Here's a quick recap:

1. Read a Chapter a Day
2. Make Over Your Mornings
3. Blog 4 out of 7 Days
4. Menu Plan
5. Clean Out Kids Summer Clothes

So, as you can see I only really accomplished 2.5 out of 5. (I menu planned, but didn't actually stick to any of it). I didn't get a chance to read as much as I had hoped. I am going to try and read everyday again, but I'm not going to make it one of 5 goals. Speaking of, here are my 5 goals for this week.

1. Owl Costume

My daughter is in a play on Tuesday and she needs to look like an owl. I don't want to buy an elaborate costume, so I decided to make one. I have pulled a bunch of ideas off of Pinterest and I think that I know what I'm doing, but I procrastinated and now I have a little over 24 hours to get it done. So, this is a must!

(Source)

2. Menu Plan

I tried to do this last week and it didn't work out too well. I wasn't prepared enough though, so this week I'm going to try it again and hope that we do better.

3. Exercise

For a few weeks I was doing great. I started the 21 days fix DVD's and loved them, but I got off track and have gained 2 lbs of my weight loss back. So, today I am starting again. With the holidays coming up a little extra movement will help to keep those extra pounds off.

4. Girl Scout Meeting

I am a procrastinator. It's just who I am, but I am trying to get better and I have 4 other leaders this year who are also pushing me to be better. No one wants to stress of waiting till the day before to plan a meeting with 20 girls and I am thankful for that. So, we have bi-weekly leader meetings and I would like to have some ideas going into this meeting of things we can do.

5. Bedroom Drawers

These are a mess. I am hoping to purge quite a bit also. My drawers are literally overflowing and I have no idea where anything is, so I have to go hunting every time I want to get something out. It's such a pain! So look for a post on how to organize your drawers better :)

So, there it is. I'm hoping to be able to stick with my goals this week. I would love to hear your goals for the week and see how you accomplish them!

I'm Good at Fixing Socks

A few times a day one of my kids asks me to play with them. It's usually my baby, my 3 year old daughter. Sometimes I say yes, not usually though. Each time I say no I feel bad.

I'm not good at playing. I am not a great pretender and there are always rules to the playing that I am horrible at following. I don't know what a pony is suppose to say to another pony and I am not sure how a big Barbie is suppose to be a mommy to a Magic Clip doll. Plus, playing usually includes running all over the house and again, not a fan.

She's not my first child to get gypped out of pretend play with mom. I didn't really do it with my older two either. Fortunately when they were little they liked to play together, for the most part, at least when they were both under 5. She however rarely has anyone home (the older two are in school) to play with. When my bean, my older daughter, is home she will play with her...sometimes.

I have always felt guilty about not being a great "pretend play" mom. I have talked at length to people about it and look longingly at woman on Facebook and Instagram who seem to always be engaged with their children in one activity or another. I am, however, not one.

Recently though I have realized something. I am good at fixing socks, and I am good at having chocolate milk ready in the morning, and I am good at cuddling on the couch when my babies aren't feeling good or even if they are. I may not be good at certain things as a mom, but I love my babies and I make sure they know it. So, when they look back on their childhoods they may remember that I didn't play with them a lot or they may not. I do know that they will know I loved them and really that is all that really matters.

So, for those moms out there that sometimes feel less than, so do I. For those moms that don't play pretend or don't play sports or don't enjoy watching video games for countless hours, you are not alone. But if you love your babies, like I'm sure you do, they know, and that is enough.

Money Making Mom // Day 1 Chapter 1

Yesterday I began reading Crystal Paine's book, Money Making Mom: How Every Woman Can Earn More and Make a Difference. This is the perfect book for anyone who is looking for financial freedom.

One of the first thing that Crystal dives into is that Financial Freedom doesn't look the same to everyone. The first chapter, First Steps to Financial Freedom, starts out explaining what financial freedom looks like for her and also helps you to dig deep and find out what it means to you.

"We used what we had, wore a lot of hand-me-downs , drove used cars, and learned a lot about contentment in the process." (pp 2-3)

That quote really spoke to me. When I was growing up my brother and I didn't want for a lot of things. I am so grateful to my parents for working so hard in order for my brother and I to have whatever we needed, and continue to do so for my children. However, that being said, we also didn't see the struggles that my parents did go through, because all of their hard work was most often kept behind the scenes. I continue to guard my children from our struggles, however our struggles are much greater than my parents were, because we have not been financial responsible. Because I never had to want for anything in my childhood I have continued that need into adulthood, even if it meant using credit cards, an equity line, and even my husbands retirement. So, contentment is something that I have never really felt and is something I desperately want to work on achieving.

"We celebrated when we moved into our new house, not only because we finally had a house with the many conveniences we had missed, but because my parents had fulfilled their dream of building a house debt-free." (pp 5)

A long term goal is not something that my husband and I have really sat down and discussed at any time in our marriage. We have had goals; buy a house, have children, get a new car, but nothing that we have saved for, nothing that we had to really have a plan for...it's always been more fly by the seat of our pants. We've never sat down and said, "What is our dream?"

"This, my friends, is the heartbeat of financial freedom. It's being in the place where you can be intentional with your money." (pp 7)

We are anything but intentional with our money. I've tried to budget, I've tried to assign each dollar a job. So far it hasn't stuck.

"I want you to take some time to stop and consider where you are right now and what financial freedom might look like for you." (pp 12)

This is a hard thing for me. Right now we are literally living paycheck to paycheck. I'm not working, we decided last year that I needed to stay home so that our kids could have a more stable after school routine, especially since my son was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. So, financial freedom to me would be not living paycheck to paycheck and not having to say no to my kids when they want to go and do something fun. I think it sounds so petty though. I feel like my financial freedom should look more giving. It is what it is though, right? This is what it looks like for me right now and it could change; after all life is fluid and every changing right?

 

"You have to believe that you can stand on your own two feet and live in financial freedom. You have to believe that there are options out there that will work, regardless of your particular season of life or unique circumstances. You have to believe in your vision then make positive changes that help propel you and that vision forward." (pp 13)

What a great quote to leave you with. You have to think that you can do it. You are the only one that can make things happen in your life. I struggle with this, but I am determined. I will make my own difference in my life and you can too.

If you made it to the end of this post, thank you! My future posts for the book probably won't be this long, but I wanted to give you background on me and what this book means to me. I would love to hear what you thought of the first chapter of the book. If you would like to read my future posts make sure that you follow me.

5 Goals for the Week

This week I decided to post my Top 5 "To-Do's". I normally break my week up into Top 3's for each day, but it doesn't always work out where I get all 3 done each day, so instead I decided to do a top 5 for the week and hopefully that will be a little easier to accomplish. So here are my Top 5 for this week.

1. Read a Chapter a Day

Last month I was ecstatic when I was chosen to be on Crystal Paine's Launch Team for her new book. I absolutely LOVE her website, MoneySavingMom.com, and was so excited to hear that she was coming out with a new book, Money Making Mom. So, I received the link to the book and started reading...and then life happened. One of those life lessons that I learned is that I read books better when I have the hard copy in my hot little hands. We had the opportunity to get a hard copy, but by the time I had my realization I had missed the window. But, have no fear...I just went and pre-ordered my copy and received it TODAY! I am so excited to start reading it live and to highlight and write in the margins! And I'm taking you along with me. I am going to read a chapter a day and then recap what I've learned from it on here the next day. Did you pre-order your copy? Want to order it NOW? Get it and start reading with me!!

2. Make Over You Mornings

Speaking of the wonderful Money Saving Mom, Crystal Paine, she has this fabulous 14-day course that she created to help you Make Over Your Mornings. I purchased it a couple of weeks ago and started to go through it, so when The Intentional Mom decided that she was going to start it again and blog through it I decided to start over with her. So starting yesterday I started it over. I will be recapping yesterday, today, and tomorrow on the blog tomorrow. If you'd like to join me you can hop on over to Crystal's site and purchase the course, you can also preview the first day before you buy if you scroll all the way to the bottom of her site. Come join me and Make Over Your Mornings!

3. Blog 4 out of 7 days

Starting November 1st, running Sunday to Saturday I am going to attempt to blog 4 out of 7 days. I have tried before to give myself a goal, but in the past I have tried every day and with 3 kids, a dog, a husband, and countless extra-curricular activities it just wasn't realistic. So, 4 days it is. 2 down, at least 2 to go...

4. Menu Plan

Uh! I hate thinking about dinner. I hate thinking about the fact that my children hate everything that I make unless it is fried. I hate that there is not a food that all of them like and don't complain about. But, eating out when you have a fridge and freezer full of food just can't be an option. Because of that, I have decided that I need to go ahead and plan out our meals for the week so that we are not trying to find something to eat (when everything is frozen) at the last minute when everyone is starving.

5. Clean Out Kids Summer Clothes

Even though it is in the 70's in Michigan today and it sounds like it will be for most of the week I am still going to go ahead and pack away my kids summer clothes. Because we live in Michigan many months we have closets that are over flowing with clothing for both summer and winter months. It drives me insane!! For that reason, the summer clothing is getting packed away this week and the will not be seen again till next year. Maybe then all of the closets will not be overflowing with clothing and my children will actually be able to find something to wear in the morning (probably not, but a mom can hope).

Do you do a Top 5 for the upcoming week? Or maybe you do what I use to do and write a Top 3 list for each day. I would love to know what you do and how you accomplish your lists.

5 Things I'm Loving This Week

Taking a tip from Money Saving Mom, Crystal Paine, and writing about what 5 things I am loving this week.

1. Halloween Fun

My kids had several Halloween Parties this week. The end of last week our elementary school had their first annual Trunk or Treat, which was SO fun! I really think it was a hit, even though it was pretty chilly, and the kids had a blast and got plenty of candy. Then, my two girls had dance class and got to wear their costumes and hand out candy. Finally my preschooler had a Halloween party and both my 3rd grader and 5th grader had classroom parties. So, needless to say with all of those things, plus Halloween night my kids have an abundance of candy and I am going to need an abundance of will power to NOT eat it!

2. Meeting Up with Old Friends

I was fortunate enough to be able to meet up with an old friend from high school this week. We have been trying to get together for a while, but because we both have 3 kids and are busy, and I have anxiety and it's a hard thing for me to go or do new things, we just haven't been able to. Well, I pushed myself this week and was able to go and had a great time.

3. A Clean House

My husband and I spent most of Saturday morning cleaning and organizing the house. I even was able to wash my window in the kitchen that had been severally neglected. It felt so good to be able to take the kids out Trick-or-Treating and come home to a clean house.

4. Parents

Each year since we have had kids my husband and I have been lucky to have my parents come to our house to celebrate Halloween with us and hand out candy so that we can take the kids out Trick-or-Treating. I am so thankful for that.

5. Calm and Relaxing Sundays

Because we cleaned house yesterday today I am able to sit and relax. It feels so good to be able to wake up in the morning and walk downstairs to a clean kitchen. Plus, since the house is clean I'm able to go through and finally do some organizing. My kids still have summer clothes in their closets and, even though it's suppose to be in the 70's here all this week, the cooler weather is on the way and when it comes back it's most likely here to stay.

So, how was your Halloween and what 5 things are you loving this week?